I hadn’t pondered that question much until I lost my 23-year old son a few short years ago. The loss of my son was inexpressible and unbearable. Starting that day, my life took a vast shift. It brought my to my knees and little mattered in the “3D” world.
I didn’t function well for weeks, And I realized I no longer wanted to live the same life – caught up in the material trappings, with too much responsibility on every level. So, I suddenly ‘woke up’ and said ‘no more’. I knew my son wouldn’t want me to grieve. Nor to have the guilt for what I knew I could have done better. to be my life. I knew it was time to engage in life in a completely different level. I was missing my spiritual connection to myself, so I embarked on an unprecedented journey to learn, research, absorb and experience life from the heart. Of course, this is easier said than done, but because it came from what I described as ‘inner knowing’, I listened to that quiet voice. I was being told to get up, put my feet back in motion and do what I love. Just 3 months prior to my son’s passing, I had suddenly an irresistible urge to start painting. At that point, It was the only thing that gave me joy. So I painted every single day while listening to videos, books and anything I could get my hands on to take me into my Spiritual World. I once was very Spiritual, having many books and classes as a young mother, but I lost it all when I suddenly was a single mother of three. I had to engage in the material world, regardless of how uneasy I was in that world. So, I had always considered myself a spiritual person, but I got off that rightful path out of necessity. My painting helped me to reconnect, and spent more time outdoors to rekindle my deep connection to Mother Earth. So, I embarked on an incredible inner journey that would eventually take me on a synchronistic outer journey as well.
The defining moment for was when it hit me that sometimes we get knocked down- on purpose – so that we can see our own worth and potential from a new vantage point. For me, it really became that simple. It was that paradigm shift when the feelings and the knowings began came together. The guidance I had previously been seeking outside of myself was within me the entire time. For some people, that’s what it takes – a traumatic event to shake them to the core, for others, they just seem to ‘remember’ without a radical event.
I has always been a seeker, an avid explorer, and experiencer – and an inquisitive adventure-lover who always needed a deeper understanding and to experience more. As my ‘outer’ path started slowly seeping back into my world – she held great fear of getting sucked back into the old ways, the old paradigm, the old energies – mine and the world’s – but I wouldn’t let this happen.
I needed strength – starting with yoga, then meditation. Next, I became a Reiki Master – slowly morphing into working with tuning forks, crystal bowls, and essential oils, until I became a Certified HeartMath Trainer and Coach. I had already started ‘hearing’ my son’s voice within, as well as my own Higher Self. But working with the HeartMath techniques, that’s when the real shift began. My inner-strength became more calm & resilient, eventually to a point where I was certain there would be no going back to the ‘old ways of being. I was locked-in.
Eventually, I was led to become an Akashic Records Guide
Through these various paths, my own unique healing emerged. This does not mean I had arrived. No. But I can now share my story in such a way that I feel others will benefit. Those going through a similar ‘metamorphosis’ can have a bit more comfort in knowing some of the lessons organized into a meaningful and manageable life. A better life. It’s still an individual journey, but with road signs and a few railings in place, we can navigate the metamorphosis with ease.
Within my journey, that deep sensitivity that I had been told was a weakness, now became my strength. and took on a whole new meaning. Subtle energies began emerging in the most unexpected ways – synchronicities that were hard to explain, pathways that I hadn’t seen previously and didn’t expect would suddenly appear. By connecting to my heart, I reached my soul and the Healing Heartist emerged.
I had believed that being different was a negative, not completely realizing the significance of my gifts. Fitting in was no longer an issue.
I knew I would never fit in, that wasn’t my purpose. All the time and effort being invested in myself brought me into a deeper level of understanding – of myself and my world. This :sensitivity”, provided the ability to hear and feel my son’s presence – his love poured in, his words seemed almost audible? I could even feel him hugging me at times. I then recognized and acknowledged that I had always heard these soft, gentle and loving urgings, or ‘knowings’. My deep feelings had always shown me the path, but like so many other Spiritual Warriors, my mind and outside pressures conspired to render it all silly and unimportant. I now know how to tap into that internal wisdom, the magic, that’s waiting oh-so-patiently for a chance to show the way.
This deep heart-connection is an on-going work of art. Properly nurtured over time, this precious gift is available to us all. my wish for others is to not wait for a devastating event be the catalyst. It is there, patiently waiting but always evolving from a tiny bud into the most beautiful flower.
Knowing who she is within the loss, and without allowing the trauma to become who she is became the real gift. I chose to accept and nurture that gift. Not everyone does – that is our free choice.
For I, the loss of my son was more profound, more all-encompassing than the loss of my world as she knew it – it was a wake-up call from and to my own soul. my son was trying to communicate this to my – telling my through dreams, feelings, thoughts and even outside mediums for a while, that he was fine – more than fine – he was in a perfect and beautiful realm where he was fully accepted and able to help people from where he was.
She hadn’t been listening to those inner promptings for many years — getting caught up in the seemingly ‘importance’ of the world’s trappings outside of myself. This move into a heart-based presence taught my to love and nurture myself, first, above all else.
My heartbreaking loss took my deeper into pure connectedness which deepened my bond to the earth and to nature, which prompted further studies in Shamanism and the ways of our ancient cultures. Ancient sites and cultures, such as Egypt and Peru, have consistently been a source of happiness, and now I will take people with my on these beautiful travel experiences while opening the doors of possibilities with a full immersion experience – a HeartSoul Convergence travel immersion experience.
My unique perspective, using my HeartMath training and Akashic Records Sessions as the nucleus, and the experience of immense heartbreak, created an energy that helps me to discover and understand their own elusive ‘gift’ within. When we experience a great loss, an illness, a trauma or just an inner awakening that there must be ‘more’ to understand.